Imagine

I imagined you with me on that cold winters day. I wanted you to save me from the chill of the morning breeze, the snow that covered my bare feet. I looked towards the giant monument, the clock centred in town and it became clear that you were not going to show. I was alone, for the first time in my life I had nowhere to hide or seek comfort, like everyone else you had left me. I walked the empty streets hoping that somewhere I would see you waiting for me, telling me that we got lost somehow but as the frozen leaves fell to the ground so did the hope inside me fade.

Night set in as I found home, the house that was once alive had become a monster, Its doors and broken windows resembled years of neglect. The fire burning inside its belly was small and faint as smoke escaped from the chimney disappearing into the dark night. The fire provided little heat and comfort to my already troubled mind and night had only begun. I imagined you with me on that cold winters night, I imagined things how they were supposed to be but nothing had prepared me for this.

I found your letter, the one you had written me, the one engraved within my heart. You said that you were sorry but you cant accept me, you cant face the truth about who I really am. The fire was dying now and I had nothing within me to keep it from dying as the slicing wind blew violently through the house. You said that you were sorry, that maybe if you had done things differently I would not be so. You asked me to forgive you for all that has been done, that we can play the game once more but on your rules, ones you had written a very long time ago.

My house, everything I knew was falling apart around me. I stood in the snow barefoot each day hoping you would show so that I could show you in all honesty that the one you loved has not gone. The clock ticked by for months and days, long days where I hoped that this might be the day you would come back for me. Eventually as all seasons go the snow began to melt but still no sign of you and day by day I started fixing my house trying to strengthen the fire from within.

Winter for now has passed. And if I could I would write you a letter too. A letter engraved into your heart telling you that I forgive you but I will no longer walk along the icy river and streets of time hoping you will show. The truth is I did not lose you, you lost me a very, very long time ago. I remember in you letter you said to me that no one knows what the future holds, I guess that is the truth but I know I will not be broken anymore. Search for me and you will find me, me not someone else.

Surprise!!!

You only get today, tomorrow is not today and today is no indication of tomorrow. You know those birthday parties where everyone shouts "SURPRISE" as you enter the room, well nothing prepares you for that and there is nothing to fall back on if you are not the party type or not in the mood for a party. It is out of your hands as to when, where, how...you simply fit in to the plan. If there is anything about the party that sucks you are sworn by yourself not to say a word and just go with the flow.

Life also does it, "SURPRISE" I mean. Today might be as normal as any other day and before you know it life shouts at you with a big smile and bright balloons. Sometimes you find those surprises that are good like a raise in salary, a big win or simply a planned vacation finally arriving. Life also has those not so good surprises. For example you buy a car from dealership X and expect a brand new car to bring you years and years of joy only to find out that life is going to be shouting surprise a lot more when it comes to that car. As soon as problem 1 is fixed another one comes along.

Enough said. But what do we do about the "SURPRISE" in service. When going to a shop or buying a product we expect it to deliver and exceed our expectations. If this does not happen do we speak up or simply let it slide by hoping that next time it might be better. The truth here is that life will shout "SURPRISE" each time you visit that shop or buy that product and eventually you will just not buy it anymore or go there anymore and what good does that do? Is it not right that we pop a balloon once or twice and say thanks for the "SURPRISE" but I think I will speak to a manager or phone the hotline displayed on the product. That way you lessen the chances of being surprised in a bad way and more likely to be surprised in a good way upon return.

There are some surprises that will never be in our control but then there are those that can be changed and not only when it comes to service. I think it is important to remember that at the end of every party it is up to us to thank everyone for coming, so we do have the final say even if it is only in a small way. Its just about finding the right words.

Luck

It is weird how things work. For example luck, what is luck and who deserves it. Some say that bad people gets all the good luck and good people gets all the bad luck. Is this true? I am not entirely sure but if this was true I believe I would have little or no luck and so would everybody else I guess.

Yes luck, the one thing we all want on our side. The sad truth is this word, this good fortune does not apply to everyone. There are those that have no choice, they are given to us with hope that luck would be by their side forever. When I wrote my first short story I focussed on animals and becoming so involved with my characters I realised that they do not have that word to fall back on. Animal abuse is a fact, it is a reality that most of us prefer not to see because it is too upsetting. These animals are not toys, they are not just there for the simple fact of entertainment, they live to be loved and to be part of a family.

A Dog called Mungril focuses on the bond between human and animal and how one can change the life of the other. How bad luck can become good luck, how through hardship and troubles there is still hope. We are all part of a bigger picture and the sooner we realise the responsibility we have, the sooner luck would turn for them.

Yes luck, for the good and the bad. Fortune that sometimes knocks hard on that door for love, companionship and respect. If you can find it within yourself to open that door, adopt a pet or simply bond with those you have already it would not only make a difference in your life but in theirs as well.

My story is worth the read, I make no profit from it, it is simply there to provide the message. All money made goes towards the welfare of our Animals. It is for sale on Amazon and available on Kindle. If you find it within yourself support this cause and make a difference.  

A road less travelled

A road less travelled. We all have roads we prefer rather not to walk and for some a road less travelled means that the road has been travelled on many times before but with every experience comes a new understanding, call it an exit from the past, the present and that which can influence our future. Today is not about choice even though all of it comes down to a choice eventually. There is no denying that the roads we travelled on influences every aspect of our being.

I like all others followed a road that brought me to where I am today. I was born in Port Elizabeth on the 28th of January 1985 and as impatient as I am today I could not wait for a hospital to make my presence known. Little did I realise that a battle was raging in the outside world, one I was not prepared for. Circumstances beyond my control laid down the foundations of my road. In a wink of an eye I lost my mother and unbeknown to me I would soon lose my father too. Circumstances ripped them both from me, emotionally it was impossible to form that bond between parent and child. This was only the beginning. Over the years to come I would be abused, molested, losing myself completely and not seeing things for the way they really are.

I would become a stranger, a stranger to myself and the road would become filled with more potholes and cracks.

Today I am stronger and hopefully later in life I can write about this without feeling like my heart is going to explode. Everyone has a road, one that no one else will ever truthfully understand and it was up to me to find that exit, call it a new beginning.

 I know giving up is not the answer, everything in life happens for a reason and looking back I can start fitting all those pieces together and carry on building a new road for myself to travel on.

Why today this is on my mind  I do not know, I just thought let me write it down and post it as a message for me to see and hopefully inspire someone else to find that exit they have been searching for.

To new beginnings

Every story has a ending. Today I can say this is the end of an old story, one I have been living for 26 years and a new beginning lies before me. Over the last year my life has gone from bad to good, I have grown as a person and can now stand tall and say I am letting go of it all making way for even better times.

The past will always be there, it never truly goes away but it only affects your future if you let it. I gave chances, chances that were forgotten or thrown away. Then a year and a half ago I took a chance for myself and found that pot of gold everyone searches for, I found myself and so much more.

I had to come to the realisation that a illness does not have to rule your life and bipolar can do that, it was difficult at first and I would be lying if I said it is easy now. Having someone who supports you and loves you for who you are, who takes you for every fault and does not judge you was to me a miracle in itself. For the first time I can say I am happy.

I might have lost one family along the way because of my choice but I gained the love and respect of another. I still miss them, I still hope that one day my own flesh and blood will realise that I am still me, that nothing about me has changed but as of tomorrow I am closing this chapter of my life and looking towards the future. My mom who I am fortunate enough to still have in my life always tells me that you are the captain of your own ship and the direction in which it sails is in your control. There might be rain and storms that comes along but there is no storm that is too rough to handle as long as I have these people by my side. I am honoured and blessed to have them in my life.

So thirty or more years later  I can revisit this post and smile.

 Remember every single detail cause you only get to see it once, some never comes along again. Thank you for I am blessed and I love you forever my angel and will love you till the end of time.

Angel

You made me see

Darkness black turned to light

You made me be

Sands in wind of flight

You gave me you

Golden shield of might

Believe in you

In what you do

Believe in me

and what  you see

Believe in us

Diamonds in the rough

Forever hands of time

set in stone to be mine

Forever glowing shine

a future bonded in a rhyme

Angels voices sing

a new song for dawn to bring

The Game

We all know what drawing a chance card means in a game of monopoly. Behind the card lies a message, one received by being daring and taking it for yourself. Holding it we hope, we hope for a good result, the card that can get us out of jail for free. If only it was that simple, taking a card and hoping that underneath it lies good news always but the truth is even in monopoly not all chances turn out to be good.

Life is full of surprises, as we visit the various train stops and streets around the board we find that upon return two or three times later lies hotels and houses. Round and round we go trying to take as much control as possible of the situation, buying and selling we try and hope once more for something good, something that would win us the day.

A)Jump to the start and collect reward.

B)Do not pass start, do not collect reward, go directly to jail.

A and B suggests possible results of which A is positive and B negative. This is the result of a chance taken, you get that good card and the bad, you never only get one of the above unless you are fortunate or unfortunate enough to.

 It is possible that one might be extra careful in life when rolling that dice when others will simply throw it and see what happens. That is not wrong, it is not a defect, it is simply called playing it safe.

The truth: It's not nice to lose a game.

The other truth: How can you win if you don't play.

If you have been to jail so many times in your life before would you still just throw that dice to see what happens unless you know at the end of all the streets and railway stops lies a new beginning. A win that you can be certain of, a free parking, a pot of gold.